What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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