he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
