is your mom at the bar?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
