hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
