Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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