I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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