biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
