Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
