You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
