party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
These tits shall not be calmed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize