Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
