I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
