i permit you to call me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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