Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
