My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
