Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
