i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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