Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
