She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
