He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
