Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
