My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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