Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
