she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize