This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
