just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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