this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
