Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
