your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
two words: eviction party
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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