we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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