i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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