my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
