she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
