Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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