i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
