porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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