I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There r osticjed everywhere
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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