Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
