Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
