fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
