I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
