I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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