Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
