ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
