Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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