my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
