this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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