haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
