My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
