Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
