I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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