He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
