so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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