So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
