WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
