Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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