yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
