He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
