Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
