your room smells of hookers.
And success
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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