Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
