New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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