That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
