Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
