If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
