my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
