dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
