I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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