remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
