I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
