guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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