discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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