ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
