i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
